The last few weeks�.it�s hard to know where to begin.
Got a phone call from my dad. A crying phone call. I know my dad well enough to know that just about the only thing he cries about anymore is my niece, his only grandchild.
She has lived with him for the past 7 years. Prior to that, she lived with me (ages 4-12). I don�t think I�ve ever written here the reasons why she went to live with him, but I�m sure I will some day. Nothing earth shaking. Mostly a lot of homesickness, my hatred of the Seattle public school system, etc. Anyway, she�s 19 now and almost done with her first year of college.
Remember when I wrote about the boyfriend? Yeah, him. She never did come to her senses and dump the bum. My only hope was that some day she would. She�d finish school, get a great career started, and meet someone fabulous. Someone with ambition and goals. Someone who doesn�t have a criminal record. Someone who she could grow with, have a family with, and be secure.
When my dad could finally speak, he told me she�s pregnant.
She called me a few hours later to tell me herself, and that her plan was to have the baby. Dad had already told me as much. Fortunately I�d had a little time to digest the news. That doesn�t mean I said all the right things. I know I didn�t. Finally, after just a few minutes I told her I needed to hang up to think about this, because I didn�t want to say anything that might sound judgmental or angry � the two things she feared most about telling us. I promised her I�d call her in the morning.
So I got up early (it was Saturday morning) and I did call her. But instead of getting into a lengthy discussion over the phone, I simply told her I would be there sometime that afternoon. It�s a four hour drive, and I needed to stop in Portland for moral support from my dearest and most beloved friend. Thank God for her. She�s exactly who I needed to talk to. She was able to help me clear my head a little and think rationally. She also gave me pointers on what I needed to say.
I got into town about 3 pm, got a room at a nearby motel, and then headed over to Dad�s house. I was greeted cheerfully and warmly from my niece. No outer signs that there was anything in the world wrong. That was my first indication that this little girl had no idea what kind of a mess she�d gotten herself into.
I whisked her off in my car, to be alone so we could talk openly. I know my dad was relieved I was there, and I know he had his hopes pinned on me being able to talk some sense into her. And so we talked, for hours it seemed.
On the drive down, I had a little time to formulate my speech. I swore to myself I wouldn�t try to impose my own values onto her. I would be supportive in her decision, and help her try to figure everything out. But the closer I got, the more I realized that there was something I had to do. Something I owed to her. So the very first thing I said was, �You said you want and need support from your family. This is a hard, hard thing. I promise you that I will support you in anything you decide to do. But I love you enough to tell you straight out what I think. I�m gonna tell you how it is, whether you want to hear it or not. And I�m going to try to convince you to change your mind.�
The next few hours were filled with me reiterating her boyfriend�s failures as a man and a citizen. His inability to support himself, let alone a child. And who would support her? I was ruthlessly and brutally honest, as I see it. There were tears. There was arguing. But we were respectful of each other and always loving. My finally argument came down to her plans to transfer to the University in the fall, to live with friends in an apartment she�d already put a deposit down on, and to finish her degree. How did she think that was going to happen if she had a baby? It wouldn�t happen. Her whole life was about to change in ways she couldn�t even imagine at this point.
If you are tempted to sign my guestbook or send me nasty emails about the immorality of abortion, save it for someone who cares about what you think. I don�t. I only care about my niece and her future. So yes. I told her I thought she should just end it. We could make it all go away. She could continue on with her plans, and her future would be still be bright. I made sure to tell her that I love children. I especially love babies. But my hope for a baby is that it is wanted and raised by loving parents who can give it what it needs to be happy and healthy, and that it�s existence isn�t at the expense of either parent. Especially not a 19 year old who has no idea what life might have to offer her, if only she�d give it a chance. That�s where I left it. She promised to think about everything I said, and to call me today.
So she just called. Apparently my arguments didn�t have much of an impact. She�s still planning on having and keeping the baby.
So here I am, mentally going through my storage closet and taking inventory of everything I saved from when B was a baby. I�ll give her everything I have, including my love and support. And I will love that baby like it�s my own. You can be sure of that. I just wish this were happening at some other time. Some future point in time, with a loving, successful husband who is ready to be a father. A home of her own, and money in the bank. And a career to go back to if she wants.
I just don�t see how this can be a good thing. Her whole life derailed. Some people make it work, right? Some people get through this without throwing their futures away, right? There�s still a chance for her.
Right?
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