I had what can only be described as a crappy weekend. So many things conspired against me this weekend. I'll be lucky to remember them all.
First of all, I didn't win the lottery AGAIN. I didn't even match one lousy number. That sucks. That's not a good way to start a Saturday.
Ok, the second and biggest thing is this. But before I go into that, let me say that I am not a loud person by nature. I have a calm disposition. I am logical and sensible and I do not get hysterical about things. I don't freak out easily. My hair freaks out. I do not.
I very seldom raise my voice - to anyone. I do not scream at my husband or my child. Sure, if she's in danger I might shout at her to get her attention, but I'm just not a yeller, k?
Well...
I was speaking on the phone Saturday afternoon to T, my 17 year old niece, for whom, if you'll remember, I sacrificed the best years of my life to raise. I was clued in to a situation by her grandpa (my Dad) who truly seemed exasperated and at his wits end. He told me that she has a new boyfriend. A 20ish year old.
Not believing my ears, I asked to speak to T, you know, to get the facts.
Long story short, this guy is 22 years old. She's 17.
I'm not positive of what happened next. But I'm pretty sure I shouted to her -- SHOUTED TO HER -- 5 or 6 times in a row that THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY REALLY WRONG WITH A 22 YEAR OLD MAN WHO IS DATING A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL. Repeat this 6 times in a row, getting progressively louder as you go.
I also pointed out that unless there was something extremely WRONG with him, he would be dating a girl HIS OWN AGE.
Repeat this 5 times, getting louder each time.
At this point in our "conversation" my niece tearfully pointed out to me that I wasn't telling her anything she hadn't heard from everybody else already.
Oh, really?
Well, let me ask you this:
IS YOUR HEAD MADE OF CEMENT? IS THAT WHY NO ONE'S WORDS ARE GETTING THROUGH TO YOU?
To my credit, I only said the above one time.
And on and on, with varying degrees of shouting and anger -- no, make that FURY -- until I finally realized that no amount of shouting was going to change her mind. No one was going to be able to tell her what to do. She'd have to come to the right decision on her own.
Believe it or not, I did manage to grasp this concept during my tirade.
So I made sure I told her I loved her about 50 times before we hung up, and I apologized for yelling, but, dammit, I was UPSET by this situation. It was just plain WRONG. It's a disaster waiting to happen. It's probably even illegal!
There are SO MANY things wrong with it. I just want to know this. Somebody please just tell me this. Why would a 22 year old man go after a 17 year old high school girl? I mean, am I way off base here? If he were "normal" wouldn't he be able to date girls his own age? I recall being 22, with 22 year old guys. There's really only one thing they want at that age. And this guy thinks he's going to get it from my 17 year old niece? My baby? Okay, my blood is boiling all over again. I HATE this guy. He's got NO right to impose his 22 year old self on my sweet young niece.
And she's absolutely no help at all. I bet she even thinks she likes him.
Where did I go wrong? What can we do now? Did my yelling at her just push her away from me? Have I ruined something? Or did something I said make sense to her somehow, and now she's mulling it over?
She's so young. And I feel very protective of her. I could write a novel about how I feel about her, and our situation (then and now) and how she's turned out because of (in spite of) me, and my regrets and wishes for that whole thing. That whole thing. I could cry thinking about how I wish I'd never let her move away from me. She should be WITH me now. I could protect her from this kind of thing. I should be with her. I should be with her. She needs me. I know she does.
But right now she probably thinks I'm just another lunatic adult who doesn't understand her. Because, you know, I was never a teenager.
My heart hurts over this. I can't write about it anymore today.
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