I used to be a Christian. Born into a Protestant family, I went to Sunday school, and, when I was older, regular services too. Every summer my brothers and I went to vacation Bible school. I played on the church softball team. I was married in the church (the first time).
At some point in my adulthood -- around the time my mother died -- I began to think differently, and feel differently. I read books on spirituality, on Christ, on Christianity. I began to pay serious attention to my gut feelings, my intuition, and my dreams. I decided I wasn't a Christian after all.
But I believe in God, and I celebrate Christmas. I suppose I should call it "Yule" but I don't. I am BIG into Christmas. But not big into Baby Jesus, the Three Wise Men, or the Virgin Mary. I have to say, I don't believe that's what happened. Or, if it did happen, I don't believe it means what Christians think it means.
Anyway�
For the second year in a row, someone has given us a porcelain nativity scene as a gift. Last year it was little, and it came from my cousin in Oklahoma. I didn't put it out, and wasn't worried she'd ever drop by and wonder about it.
This year - tonight, in fact - P's exwife (K's mother, B's pseudo-godmother) and her husband gave us an enormous, and I mean ENORMOUS porcelain nativity scene. It's quite beautiful. Did I mention that it's large? It must weigh 25 pounds. It came in a big big box.
I just don't know what to do with it.
Besides not really having anywhere to put it, I am not at all comfortable with having to display something so�so�religious. Not that being religious bothers me - it doesn't. I guess it's the fact that I think the whole thing is a bunch of hooey. I'd feel like a hypocrite displaying it.
I didn't realize my spiritual values were unknown to them. Maybe they thought that since P was raised Catholic, he was still a Catholic. How could they know he renounced Catholicism? And how could they know what I believe? We've never discussed it. Never. Not once. They assumed I (we) believe the same things they do, I guess.
Which is strange, because if they'd asked K about it, she'd have told them that we believe differently than they do. We've talked to K about it. I think (or thought) she understood. Maybe K has never talked to them about it. I wonder.
I feel a serious discussion coming on. A discussion I do not want to have. You see, they are evangelical. The very thought of it makes me shudder. I do not want to bare my soul and have to defend my beliefs (or lack of beliefs, as it were). I don't want to get into it with them at all. I just want them to understand that while I believe Jesus lived and breathed and was a wonderful human being and very possibly a supremely gifted prophet, I do not believe he was God's "son" or the "saviour" of humanity. Jeesh, they might try to "save" me or something, and frankly, I'm just not up to it.
But back to the problem at hand. What to do with this giant nativity scene? And more to the point, what to do about people who insist on thrusting their religious beliefs in my direction? I hate to sound ungrateful, as it was very kind of them to give us a gift. But damn. Couldn't they have just given us a box of oranges, or maybe some See's chocolates?
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