I'm having Diaryland withdrawals during the day. It's very hard for me to not log in whenever I feel like it. I have kept up on my reading, though. I caught up on my favorite diaries at lunch time, and I also snuck a few in earlier this morning while my bank reports were downloading. I'm a great multi-tasker.
Thanks to those who have signed my guestbook. Especially those who offered me a few encouraging words after my last post. Jeesh, after that guestbook entry from "Bob" I didn't know what people would say to me next. But everybody's been real nice to me. (Everybody but "Bob"). Thanks very much for that.
I decided to take a little of the advice handed to me, and I did bring up the subject with P last night. Very carefully. I mentioned something to him that I didn't bring up in my last post. There are actually many more aspects to this situation than I had time (or energy) to go into the other day, one of them being that I am nervous about our arrangements (or lack of arrangements) that we have for B should anything happen to us. Right now, P's exwife (N) and her husband are our guardians of choice. They love B like their own, and there isn't anyone else we would want B to live with if the worst were to happen. And we would want B to grow up with her sister. Unfortunately, N and her husband have hit a bumpy patch, and it's made us worried. So much so that I think we need to have an alternate plan in place just in case.
One thing I said to P the other night is that one of the reasons I think moving to Texas would be a good idea is that then his family could get to know B, she could get to know them, and then maybe we could find some peace of mind there, knowing that she could live with one of his brothers or sisters and their family, and that she'd be with people she already knew and loved and who loved her too.
Of course, my family members love B, and would fight for her, but honestly, we just want her to be with a stable, loving family. My family is loving, but the stable part has been elusive.
Sounds depressing and morbid, doesn't it? Well, these are the thoughts that keep parents awake at night.
Anyway, after I told P my concerns about this, he told me he thinks about it too, and he understands how I'm feeling (regarding that bit of it). He's so gentle with me. He really is. He just softly said, "I know. I know you're thinking about that." And then we agreed to think about it and talk more.
I didn't tell him the other stuff, about K and all that. At that particular time, there wasn't any point in it.
Ironically, the past few days have been stellar for him at work. Just when I think he's totally fed up, something happens to stoke him up, and all past woes seem forgotten. At least temporarily. So when things are going great, as they are at the moment, it's even harder for him to consider starting all over again at a new company.
So I just have to wait and see what happens. There's not a lot else I can do.
In other news, I found out today that my company is giving us Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve off. That means if I use only 3 vacation days, I can be off work for 11 days in a row! So I put in my request today and my boss signed it. So I will be off from Dec. 22 to Jan. 2. I am SO looking forward to it, I can't even tell you.
And that's it for today, really. It's after 8 p.m. so I'm not as spunky as I usually am when I post. It might take me a while to get used to this new schedule. Any bets on how long before I cave and start posting from work again?
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