It occurred to me that my first post was a little non-descriptive (of me personally), except for the fact that I'm a mother -- and a fairly new one at that. I'm 37. I met my husband (P) and had my first (and only) child (B) later than a lot of people, I guess. That's why I term myself a Late Bloomer. And I *have* bloomed. Not in the ways you might typically think. But in the ways that make me say a little prayer every morning before I climb out of bed, thanking God for my life as it is. Not that it's perfect. But it's exactly what I need. Ten years ago, hell, even five years ago, I couldn't have said that. I didn't know myself well enough to say something like that.
So anyway, yeah. I'm 37. Soon to be 38. My daughter is 13 months, and my husband is 35 (he likes older women heh heh). And we go together. All of us. Except for my husband's daughter (K) from his first marriage. She's a part of "us" but I haven't figured it all out yet. That's a whole story in itself. I'll save it for another time. Oh, and wait until you hear about his first wife (N) -- she's fabulous! I like her the best. She's remarried to C. He's cool. Our family is extended, that's a fact.
Who I am and how I got to be who I am can be traced, largely, back to my mother. Or, I should say, my relationship with my mother as I was growing up. Isn't that always the case? But I never, and I want to emphasize the word NEVER, realized any of it until she was gone. Not one iota of introspection until I turned 30 years old. That's how old I was when she died. I marvel at the time wasted. I'm ashamed of it. If I could somehow undo her death - have her here. I'd do it in a heartbeat. But there's a part of me that believes it all happened for a reason.
From time to time I plan to talk about my mother. I miss her. It makes me sad that B will never know her. It makes me sad that P didn't get to meet her. She would have adored him, I know it. She hated my first husband. That's okay - so did I. But the thing is, see, although I'm sad about all that, I draw comfort from the knowledge that in fact, she does know B, and orchestrated my meeting of P. So there you go. Heavenly intervention. I believe that.
Well, I'm really too tired to talk about myself anymore tonight. What a week. Suffice to say that I know now why "they" say to have your kids when you're young. It takes a lot of energy. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Good night.
0 Comment(s)
