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Impending birthday angst
Wednesday, Jul. 02, 2003, 5:45 pm

My 40th birthday is two days away. I don't mind turning 40 really. It seems like it should be some kind of big deal, and I'm feeling so blah about it. I know P is desperate to figure out some kind of birthday gift for me. He's been begging for hints. Leaning over my shoulder, trying to catch me looking at catalogs.

The other day we got a flyer from Home Depot, and I was leafing through it. He was all over it. "What are you looking at?" "Anything in there you'd really like to have?" As if I didn't know what he was doing. "Um, no...just looking at the appliances, hun."

The truth is, I've been racking my brain trying to come up with ideas for him. But I'm completely blank. I can't think of a single thing. I'm not into perfume, or jewelry, or things like candles or do-dads. Well, I do like all those things up to a point, but I don't want any of that for my 40th birthday present. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want anything at all. He can't buy me clothes, and a gift card would be so impersonal, though practical.

I'm just not the type of person who sits around thinking about the "things" I would like to have. I'm way more into the things I'd like to do. Big ticket items. Like re-doing all of floors in our house. Or remodeling our staircase. Or the kitchen. I'm not into small token birthday gifts -- nothing interests me.

So, obviously, we have a dilemma. If I don't come up with something fast, he'll run down to the mall at the last minute tomorrow night and buy something just for the sake of buying something. That's just dumb. But he knows, as do I, that if he doesn't at least make a showing and put forth some kind of effort, he'll be in big trouble. How contradictory is that? Nothing I want, but if he doesn't get me something, watch out. Ugh.

What I really want, I think, is for him to go to some trouble. It doesn't matter if there's a gift involved or not. For our anniversary? Very little effort. Mother's Day? Even worse than last year (if that's possible). The man just doesn't know how to make a big fuss over his woman.

But it's my 40th birthday, and if ever a woman needs to be fussed over, it's now, right? So how about if he gets up with B at the crack of dawn, and has some tea ready for me when I come down the stairs? Maybe take me out for brunch AND dinner, so I don't have to cook all day? Wash my car for me, and vaccuum out all the cookie crumbs. Make the day different from every other day of the year. Then we can all sit out on the patio and watch the fireworks, then go to bed early enough to rise another day without feeling worn out.

That would be a good birthday. Trouble is, I think it more likely that I'll get some "thing" I don't want, and end up making my own tea, and my own breakfast, and probably his and B's too.

He says I'm hard to shop for. Well, that's because I don't want anything. At least not anything money can buy. I wish I could get that through to him.


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