Yesterday I did the two most god-awful horrible things a person could possibly do on a perfectly good Sunday afternoon.
The first of these heinous activities is, of course, bathing suit shopping.
The second is going to Wal-Mart.
Some switch in my brain must have short circuited at some point in the latter part of the morning, because I suddenly found myself in my car. On my way. To Wal-Mart. To try on bathing suits.
What was I thinking?
First of all, Wal-Mart is no place to be on a Sunday afternoon. In fact, it's no place to be any time at all, but it's one of those necessary evils. Once you've shopped Wal-Mart, paying regular prices anywhere else just feels criminal. So anyway. There I was.
Secondly, bathing suit shopping is just cruel and torturous, and anybody who thinks otherwise is 5'10" and 120 pounds. I am neither.
Thirdly, I think Wal-Mart has fat mirrors. Not the skinny ones, like Nordstrom. Those I like. Well, those I prefer. No, I think Wal-Mart deliberately puts fat mirrors in the dressing rooms so people will spend less time looking at themselves. You know, to get them in and out faster. To handle the masses.
Think about it. You're in a 3x3 dressing room that smells like somebody's underarm deodorant failed them badly, it's hot, noisy, and there are DO NOT SHOPLIFT signs plastered all over the walls, and you're facing a fat mirror. Hell yeah you want to get out of there. So you settle. Plain and simple. For the least worst thing you've tried on. Because the prices are so good, and you can't possibly leave Wal-Mart empty handed. It's not natural.
That's my theory.
So I fell for it. Bought a cute, though probably cheaply made, one-piece swimsuit. It was the only one I liked that didn't have one of those little skirty things around the hips. What's with those things, anyway? They're everywhere. Anyway, it's bright green and aqua and blue. Very cute. At least I think it is. I only glanced at myself briefly, as I was horrified by my distorted reflection in the fat mirror.
Picked up a little toddler bikini for B in the same colors. We'll be a mother-daughter fashion hit at the pool, I'm sure.
Hmm. Where was I going with this? Must be getting late.
Oh, yeah. Yesterday. Okay, well I survived it, but it was genuinely awful. One, or the other, might have been all right. But I would not recommend doing both together.
In fact, I would recommend going swimsuit shopping at Nordstrom. They have better mirrors.
I'll try to remember that next time.
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