Look! Look! I've got a layout! A real one! I want to thank Reality for designing it for me. She's fabulous!
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I would like to be a SAHM. Yes, I definitely would. I think. Sometimes. On Mondays. And on Fridays. I'd love to be able to sleep in a little longer and stay up a little later. I'd like my daughter to spend more time with me than she does her daycare teachers. I'd really like having more time to take care of my house, and feed my family better meals. How do families do it these days?
P and I have been having this discussion. We both agree that we'd like to do it. And we both agree that it would be very hard. Financially. We've grown accustomed to my salary. We've built our lifestyle around two incomes. There would be sacrifices and compromises that neither one of us is too wild about. For instance, we contribute to B's college fund proportionately to each of our incomes. If my portion is taken away, what will that do to her fund? Will that mean the difference between going to college or not? Going to a good school, or just an okay school? This worry plagues me. And what about retirement? What happens when my 401(k) contributions end? And my health insurance, and my career, and my identity?
There's so much more to it than just deciding I want to spend more time with B. Can I give up the only lifestyle I've really ever known? For what I'm pretty sure would be absolutely wonderful, but how would I know? I've never done it before. And to tell you the truth, the SAHM's I do know have always been SAHM's. So they can't help me understand what kind of adjustment this would be. I do know I envy them -- since the day B was born, I've envied every SAHM I've ever known. No one envies me! Having to leave my baby with strangers every day so I can help maintain the materialistic lifestyle we've gotten used to. Okay, maybe that's being a bit hard on myself, but sometimes that's how I feel.
I don't like to talk about this subject too much because I tend to get excited at the prospect of staying home with B. But then I'm reminded of the reality of our situation and I'm left feeling let down for some reason. It's tiring.
On a cheerier note, I had a nice Mother's Day. It was my 2nd one, officially. B (courtesy of P) got me a book on prehistoric Europe. Part archeology, part anthropology. I find those topics endlessly fascinating. It was a great gift. We also went to Mother's Day Brunch at the Newport Bay Restaurant. It was super good.
Two weeks from Memorial weekend. I'm taking that Friday off, which will give me 4 days off in a row. I can't wait.
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